I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
