He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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