she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
