I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So many bounce houses so little time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
