Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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