"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
