i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
