Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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