If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
