last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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