i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize