She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize