I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just had sex bonerless
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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