Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
