well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
