You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
