I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
