babies were throwing up all over the place
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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