if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
