Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
