Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
