We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize