Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I want to be your penis for a week.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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