i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
