everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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