Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I checked into jail on foursquare
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
