normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am one with the molecules
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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