I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
