I could make wine with my vomit
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
