he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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