I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did i walk over a car last night?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
