I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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