found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
