Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize