if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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