she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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