he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
