Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
