I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
