Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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