We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
