I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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