she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
