i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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