He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
