i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
