In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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