I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
