I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
