Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
