I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
