are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
