ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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