oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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