i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
