I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
