So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
