Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
