Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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