I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
