I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize