Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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