I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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