Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
